ConsuME

One of those moods again. I am dangerous in these moods, they’re black and consuming and I do evil thing and evil things return.

I place adds to meet with men so we can fuck. Ones I have never met before, I am playing with one now.

How can I expect decent things in return when I don’t project decency into this world?

The all consuming emotional hemophiliac. Upset me, and I’ll “feel” to death.

I’m playing with one now because my ex-boyfriend, the one who was twice my age, has abandoned me. Asshole. I hate him.

Forever filling that fucking void, tell me, what the fuck was in there to begin with? I want to know so I can find it again and not be so goddam fucking fragmented.

Fuck.

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Give Me Some Space, I’m Tying A Rope

Who am I supposed to talk to when I’m feeling like tying that rope in the backyard?

“Maybe I’ll just give you some space until you’re over this little mood.”

Space? Space??!? All I’ve been given is space. I’m so alone and I literally have no one to talk to, but writing stupid anonymous confessions on the goddamn internet.

I can’t even talk to my psychologist, when she was my psychologist. She gave me space. Everyone gives me space.

It must be a hard area to occupy, this one. I must be a cunt to everyone. I don’t think I’m a bad or mean person. I’m just difficult.

I wish when people tell you they love you, they actually meant it.

Because they never do. Nobody will ever love all of you.

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Once when I was a kid, I pulled all my hair out, one strand at a time, in the one spot until there was nothing else there and the itch was gone. But it never grew back. Not even after I was done.
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Today I found out my boyfriend was living a second life, and that I was his second life, and that he was actually married with a kid. So I drew a stupid picture to make me feel better. Will proceed to tie my own noose in due time.
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"Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, and my crazy whim to leave for Prague and live in Europe for the rest of my life. Impulsion’s running a muck after a while without medication, but inspiration and lust for life is there, on the good days. But on the bad days, the bad periods, which are more often than the positive, I get these crazy ideas and I will always act on them. I’m putting a down-payment on this, I’m going to Prague. I’m leaving this shit hole, and I’m going to Prague. Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, it’s all I ever seem to do."

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Who You Were.

Looking back at photos of Thaniel, you know, photos before the accident. I can’t help but feel sad, for who you once were and the different person you are now. The different person from who I met that one, perfect night in the city…

Its almost like mourning a death, for that person I met originally, he doesn’t exist anymore. Instead its this shell, this hollow, angry shell. Those eyes are always so tired now, so lifeless.

I feel so sad for you.

All our lives get to go on normally, as if nothing life changing ever happened to you. Even that girl who you were in love with all along. Her life is slipping through your reach, moving faster and faster away from you.

Maybe this is why you hated me the most. Because I was the one you were with when it happened. Maybe that was my purpose all along, to soak up all your anger, your destructive anger.

Maybe you thought if you could wear someone down to the core, then you could get all those negative feelings out of you and you would be free again.

And I don’t know if this worked or not. I guess I never will.

I just don’t have the balls to say any of this to you. How pathetic is that? You rip me to shreds, and now when you see me all you do is give me pity smiles.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? Ironic, in that you Thaniel are the one with obvious physical injuries, it should be the other way around.

But its not. Its not. I might be the only one in this town who is more pitiful than you.

I don’t know what it is I want from you anymore. But I don’t feel done, and maybe I never will…

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INFP acronyms!

anitaarrkay:

After some twitter lurking I found out these acronyms for INFPs. They’re funny and pretty accurate for me. I’m a closet perfectionist when it comes to things that matter to me.

  • I never find perfection
  • I’m not finished procrastinating
  • I need fixing, perhaps
  • I’m never fully prepared
  • I’m nearly finished planning

love this! ^

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Walking home from work, the sky was the most beautiful shade of pink, and the clouds purple. Moments like this one makes existence worth it.
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When I decided To Stop Having Friends ↘

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"You’re so lucky, all of you North Shore bitches. Fuck you, I hope you struggle like my family did at some point in your lives. Just to know what it fucking feels like. Just to experience life like the rest of us."

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